Today is one of those days. Yep, you probably have a good idea of what I mean when I say that. Especially if you are a toddler mom yourself.
Those. Days.
When I struggle, get mad, frustrated, impatient, and every other emotion all within the same morning.
This kind of morning took a lot out of me today. It was a battle from the second her eyes popped open and she started crying for me at the crack of dawn, she didn’t want to go back to sleep and cried to me, “I pooped.”
Well she didn’t poop, that’s just her way of saying her diaper was full, and once I changed it, it was official we were up for good. Pay no mind that mom couldn’t fall asleep until 3AM last night because as you can all probably relate, #momworries. So 4 hours of sleep wasn’t playing out for a great outcome but I was going to see where it would take me.
The first battle, not wanting breakfast. Okay, that’s fine, it’ll sit here until you want it. Then the dog knocks it over and eats it or it just gets smooshed into the carpet. Second breakfast was a banana which ended the same way. So I guess we’ll just wait for lunch then.
Second battle was getting dressed. It was mostly a lot of, “I don’t want that shirt, and I don’t want any other shirt and I definitely don’t want pants and I mostly just want to give mom a mental breakdown.” The verdict is still out on that one, but it’s possible I’m getting closer to one now.
At this point in the day, we had to make a run to the store still to get a couple things for making dinner. With her still having nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt on, we had some work to do before leaving the house on a 10°F day in February.
Okay, game plan. Let’s attempt a fruit snack, a show on my phone and the ultimate of distractions to get her ready. Nope, she’s onto me. Retreat, retreat.
In a desperate attempt to get out the door, I say, “Alright well if you can’t get dressed you’ll have to stay home!” Which was followed by an eruption of tears, the saddest droopy little mouth you’ve ever seen and wailing of toddler nonsensical talk.
Coercing her for 15 minutes while this continued got us nowhere, and after 30 minutes we had only managed to get one sock on while the howling continued. Finally I accepted that we weren’t going to make it to the store today. There was not even a 1% chance that this would result in her actually getting dressed or being remotely ready to go outside. So instead, I gave her her juice and snuggled her in her t-shirt, diaper and one sock.
And she fell asleep.
I’d like to contribute the morning’s chaos and insanity to a mixture of her being hangry and tired, but at this stage in the game, nearing 3 years old, I think it’s maybe just her personality at this point in life. So that’s a fun pill to swallow.
I covered her up and walked away, needing a deep breath, some peace and quiet, and probably a full bottle of wine (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere) but after a few minutes, I got to feeling bad. I felt awful she was in tears, I felt heartbroken that she was so worked up and even more so that I hadn’t caught on that she was just that tired.
Some days, being a mom is one of the hardest jobs. I don’t think in my corporate job (pre-baby times), that I ever felt as stressed out as I do somedays when things are just a war zone. And the thing that plays into your role as a mother is that it’s not just a job or a role that we fill – it’s our life. It’s our heart and soul and everything we’ve ever wanted in one (or more) tiny little human beings.
It’s a job with no lunch breaks (lunch? ha!), no clocking out for the day, and you’re on-call 24/7. Momming is hard, yo.
But you know what, what a blessing. It takes my breath away sometimes when I look at her and realize how much is coming her way in life. And at the same time, how beautifully young and spirited she is right now, and how I kind of selfishly wish that would never change.
Being a mom is laughing, crying, and maybe cussing under your breath, all within the same 5 minutes. And that’s okay. God didn’t make us perfect, he made us moms. Qualified for the jobs He’s given us and the path that was chosen for us. So at the end of the day, I curl up next to this sleeping beauty and thank my lucky stars that I was blessed beyond belief with her and her forgiving nature for when my patience is thin and stress levels are high. She still turns to me, gives me a big hug and says, ‘best friends.‘
And, we live to grow another day. <3
Sarah
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